It is a slow process, but it is a sure one. The city is killing me ever so slowly, and I feel certain that if I stay here my life will end up being shorter than it would be if I moved out into the countryside. I mentioned in an earlier post that I grew up there, in the countryside south of Copenhagen, and that I go back there often to visit my mom. I’m here now, and I’m reading my posts from last year and realising that I haven’t been all that good at following all the good advice I give there. I have been caught up in that busy life of being present at all the ‘important’ events, of being digitally represented on the social media platforms, of earning money for it all, and the result is that I haven’t been here in the countryside as much as I’d have liked to be. I haven’t been in nature as much as I would have liked to be.
So yes… the city is indeed killing me, with all its opportunity, with the light pollution at night, with the lack of a horizon, with the constant low hum of noise and with its millions of anonymous faces. It came to me as a realisation some time back, as I was walking home from a night out. It was a weird ambivalent feeling since I really like living in the city and to take advantage of all the cultural possibilities it offers. Today I was reminded about it as I got off the train in my hometown; my first breath of air as I stepped out of the wagon held so much freshness and so many tiny nuances of Spring that it almost shocked me into immobility. I hadn’t realised how much the Spring was progressing as I was moving through my life in the city. The scents of soil that is being stirred by weeds and flowers and of life returning to the black and white winter landscape of my tiny country! Those scents are so nuanced and full of so many impressions and ‘images’ from this life and remembered in the genetics of our flesh, that it’s a richness we should not be devoid in our daily lives. I believe these ‘images’ are very important for our spiritual life and for a richness of our minds, and to live a life in the city bereft of this in my daily life is what is killing me (besides pollution, immobility, stress and traffic).
I’ll stay in the city for a while yet, years probably, but eventually I will move out to live in the countryside to be close to the earth again. I am in no rush to depart this wonderful world.